Why can't I blog like this?


Hopefully, with some practice, I'll develop the acerbic wit of Gabe over at Penny Arcade. I'm not saying my summer vacations were exactly like this, but you would assume that quite a few kids along for the ride on their parents vacation ran into the same thing. Who are kids to complain, I mean, they could be home, riding their bikes, playing with their friends and attending summer fun fests but instead they get the back of a station wagons and a 3ft. radius to psyche scaring family battles that will haunt their dreams 25 years later. Excerpt below (warning, naughty launguage ahead):

"The lake we would sometimes travel to, and I think they called it a lake because it had not completely evaporated, was clearly home to toxic mutants. As dangerous as that sounds, this was not the primary concern, for this area of Washington was famous for its rattlesnakes. I don't mean they had a rattlesnake exhibit where you could see them inside a cage, and then emerge from that dark zoo, the sun on your face, in a land blessed and free of them. No, the people in
"them parts" are proud of these things. There is a sign by the main thoroughfare that says "Watch Out for Mister Shakes!" who is apparently famous not only for being a snake but for being a very large and dangerous, free roaming fucking man-eating snake. It was my presumption as a young man that he was called Mister Shakes both a) as a courtesy, i.e., "Please don't bite my fucking ass, Mister Shakes!" and also because of the rattling you might hear before he slunk from the grass to murder you. I understand now with the wisdom of many years that the shakes they referred to describe the strong spasms associated with their thick,
(sometimes) black venom.

And the food out there on the frontier. Jesus Christ. Eating at whatever rat trap happened to be attached to the gas station we just coasted into. Plate heaped high with fried hair. Warm cylinder of milk pulled from whatever animal happened to be pregnant at the time. So, no. He can rattle his keys all day, if he would like. I'm not going to suit up and get in the car just so I can drink cat milk, eat hair, and get killed by the king of fucking snakes."

Linkage: www.pennyarcade.com

Superman Returns, The Fat Man leaves, life marches on:

So, Superman Returns is out this weekend. I'm not even bothering with proper title grammar, the title is just so generic, but I guess its better than "A Search for Peace". Anyway, my lovely lady and I and a few folks from the office will be tracking over to the Metreon (see also: Nerdvana) to grub a little and catch the show. I'll let you know how it went later. It will have to live up to the comic genius of Nacho Libre the last film we saw to make me feel real good about it, though. I hate that...Movie Let Down. I think you get MLD when you are on a movie "high" from a great flick and then POW! You go see a stinker or just an ok film and it seems to even make the popcorn taste stale. Maybe we should schedule or viewings (based on credible reviews) from worst to best. Start out with latest Wayan's Brother's Fiasco (who keeps giving them MONEY!) and end up with some Swashbuckling fun with Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Who knows.

So, I'm back on a gym plan and pseudo diet. I say pseudo diet as I don't think I eat poorly, I just eat too much and at the wrong times so I am attempting to adjust my eating lifestyle to create a more flexible dining plan (with my travel and event schedule, its a must) that fits me while now hitting the gym at least 4 days a week. Killer place here on the first floor of my building. My fees include a locker, full shower/toiletry services and even laundry for my gym clothes so I don't have to pack junk back and forth or "forget" and put off a workout. Why am I suddenly on this? Take a look at me and Hulk. Note that my gut is about the size of his chest and my chest is the size of his waist. Bad combo I think. I'm weighing in at 249 this week. Tune in here to see how I'm doing. (Look at me being all accountable and stuff!) My goal is 235 and a sub 38 waist by the end of July. 225 by the end of August, 210 by the end of September, bordering on a 36 waist again and flat at 200 by the Holidays. Not sure if I'm going to tune up tighter than that. I'm pretty comfortable at my frame coming in at two bills, but we'll see when we get there.

I'll be in St. Louis the 7th-9th and in NY the 9th-12th. Visiting the cutest daughter in the world in the Lou and working in NY but hoping to catch up with the Wall Street Waldo before I leave. CALL ME!

Hulkamania -- In case you did not see it.


Me being a fanboy, Baja Cantina, Marina Del Rey, California.

I have found Nerdvana...it is here:
http://gocalifornia.about.com/od/casfmenu/a/metreon.htm

Proof, of all this, is this:
http://www.walkofgame.com/

And in case you are to lazy to read links, it contains:
Game Workshop Specialty Store
Comic and Kitch Shop "It Came From Another World"
Jillian's
A Full-On Arcade with a BAR (yes, a bar, with beer, etc.) and Hyper Bowling
Sony Style and Playstation Flagship Stores
restaurants
escalator (cause hey, who wants to climb all those steps!)
And more.

OK, well, this was my first PRIDE weekend in San Francisco. For those of you not familiar with it...that is Gay PRIDE (always all capital letters...In case you didn't notice it or something) weekend. The day when such things as huge marches (segregated by your personal choice oddly enough), boy on boy "kiss a thons" downtown with two guys in jockeys on a life raft "kissing for a cause"" (which cause was unstated so your guess -- I'm going with mono) and an entire, very popular, radio station turning into K-GAY for the weekend. And really, that is just scratching the surface. Other than the musical styling of Lez Zeplin (all girl Zeplin cover band), I was a miss in town for most of the weekend...I'm sure they will understand. Overall, I thought it was too worked over. Anywhere but to the sexually hardened populous of San Frannie, this would have been too much. But, where the Castro is king (or queen?) it seems to have just blown by with nothing more than a raised eyebrow from most of the straight and already well aware populous. So, the question would be...how effective is it really? Discuss...it is, afterall, a blog.

Hey everyone! Look who is getting all cyberspacy. In honor of the fact that Google and the gang are giving away the online world for free and bending us to their will with it, I hath wrot a blog into existence. What will I put up here...hell, who knows. I just gave myself anonymity and a place to broadcast to the world, if the net has proven anything, its that the results will vary. Most likely it will become a place to find out "Where's Waldo Now", somewhere I can post photos and updates on life, love and work and someplace to rant about what got my goat for the moment.

So, enjoy. Tilt your head back and engorge on the sweet nectar that is the beauty of my written words. Then, vomit up the sour taste it may or may not leave in your stomach.

Adios,

Waldo